Let me in

Let me in
and be all yours
Let me slip slowly
into your heart
Let me discover
your vices and
love your virtues

Because I want you!

Let me realise
you want me too
Let me erase
the past and start
living again
Let the fears behind
and come, come
let me in...

Escape

And he slowly takes the pen
His hand moves smoothly across the paper
The ink touching each atom of his white freedom
The words appear faintly and so feeble...
He's trying to feel what they say
Trying to fill the hole inside
Repeating them softly aloud
Convincing himself they will bring salvation
There is a momentary relief
Some silence in his mind
Pain dissolved in symbols
He knows it is never lasting
But it gives him comfort for now
Until he writes again...

Going to sleep

Turn off the lights before you leave
and don't look back, please...
Don't try to find your way back
into my heart like some lost keys.
There's nothing to be found anymore
Because there's nobody there
in the silence that you left here inside.

It's just a soul now craving for existence
in somebody else's dreams or even heart.

It's an echo of life fading away
in broken speeches, forgotten promises,
smashed between non-returned calls,
scattered around strange desires
all spread on this soft silky floor
that now nests me to my sleep

It's everything there but you never see
Turn off the lights now and leave...

In my life

In my life I've seen things
Some were good and colourful
Some were bad and dreadful
I've been to many places
And I've made many memories
Some of them I still keep inside
Some are forgotten in my heart

In my life I've met people
Some I know and care
Some I don't know where
Some made me what I am
Some put me really down
But still are part of my soul
Some I miss I'll never see again

In my life I've done jobs
I've had my share of books
Of tasks, of words and losses
I've built incredible things
And ruined them with a thought
I've done wonderful projects
And finished them along the way

In my life

Inertia

A permanent state
Slowly falling into numbness
A limb that doesn't move
White hands don't touch
Static stoned wide-open eyes
Blank lips aren't kissing fools

Afraid of not going out of here
Trapped in a motionless feeling
Dragged by empty emotions
In cold marble arms of nothingness

A fear of being seduced by this
Smoothly letting everything go
Surrended by a caring warmth
Of not knowing, not having,
not worrying, not there...

Giving in to becoming noboby
Taken away by this crowd
Being just a face in the rabble

Stop the body, stop the pulse
Stop this mind, stop this heart
Make this part of your life
Say goodbye now and take care

Oblivion

Images fade away like
pictures carved on the sand
It was a day in autumn
You and I holding hands
That was a sweet moment
We were having dinner by candlelights
Oh, the day I made you that surprise...
I just see them going away
held by a thin thread of repentance
The only thing that puts my memories together

They are not important anymore
Lost, few, insignificant remembrances
I watch them shatter in tiny pieces
taken by the wind of time
Like dead leaves from a tree
Lost, bitter, forgotten fragments of a dream

Everything is fading away
Names I forget, faces I don't recognise
People I don't see, dates I don't mind
Memories that are not mine
I thought I would never part from them

You're gone
I shall become myself again

The day after you

I wake up
It's 4pm and I'm still looking for answers in my mobile
Nobody is calling me and I should be ok
I'm not...

I thought last night was special and you'd stay
I thought I had finally found someone
Who said I was looking for someone anyway?

I look in the mirror and lie to myself
I'm not as old as I think I am
But not as young as I wished to be
Time is passing by and I'm growing tired of meeting strangers in the night

I take another glass of wine
As thoughts run through my mind
Some music is playing in the back
"Falling hard for you"
I don't want to meet anyone

I turn off my mobile
I switch off the lights
I'm gonna sleep for the rest of the day
And see what happens then...
Maybe you call
I'm gonna sleep for a while
"Heaven help me now"

In the room

"You know?"
"What?"
"I think this is it..."
"Yeah?"
"Pretty much."
"Is it good? How are you feeling?"
"Better than I thought I would."
"It's curious, right?"
"It' sad..."
"Sad?"
"It's sad to realise everything is gone... all the feelings I built up in my heart are just fading away..."
"Hmm... This should be good, I think. It means you're getting over..."
"And what for?"
"What do you mean?"
"Now I feel fine... good! But what's the point? What's the purpose in finding out you never meant that much for me?"
"Well..."
"I just came here to tell you this... everything that we had together, you simply ruined with your lies, with your stupid games... And we had the best, you had my best... why did you take it all for granted?"
"I didn't want to lose you..."
"And I'm growing more and more tired of all this... I think we're better off alone afterall..."
"Are you sure?"
"No, but I'm sure you don't deserve me anymore..."
"If I go out through that door, you'll never see me again..."
"We both know this is not true...
I just hope that when I see you again, my heart won't bleed like this."

Abstinence Syndrome

It's 6 pm
But it could be 1 pm or 6 am
I wouldn't tell the difference
The lights are off, sheets are cold
Can't get to open my eyes
I just hear this noise
A conspicuous noise banging inside my head
Flashes crashing down behind my eyes
Following the hysterical bangs in my mind
Screams trying to survive, struggling to come alive
I turn my head around, it's so bright inside
They are voices, voices that I know
Memories that are recent
Memories of Sundays and happy days
Memories I cherish in my heart
Now haunting my sleep
They wanna tear my body up
And come out to fill this room
Will they ever go away?
Please, make them go away...
I need to forget
I need to let them go.

Grief

I entered the empty house and saw all the boxes on the floor... Who could imagine that a whole life together would now fit in carton boxes separated by names - mine and yours. Everything that have always belonged to both us is now divided, sorted and put away inside those boxes on the floor. Pictures, portraits, books go with me... clothes, CDs, albums go with you...
But memories stay here in this empty house, inside this empty soul, lost in the corners of my mind, carried by a little hope that things will get better one day - at least that's what my friends say.
You're not here anymore and although I see you everywhere, I know those things are just images from my head, but I wish they were real...
I wish our love was real... you say you can't promise me anything, you want me close to you as your friend. I can't be your friend, becoming your friend means denying so many wonderful things we spent together. It means rejecting the kisses, the hug, the love, the tender moments, the quarrels, the jealousy... no, we can't be friends... not now at least.
I take my boxes, you're coming tomorrow for yours. I look back and I miss the life we were building together - what went wrong?
Too late for answers, maybe too late to make things right... I close the door.
I walk down our street as tears wash my face... get in the car and drive away from there.
It's gonna take a long while to be me again...

A heart to spare

If I had a heart to spare
I'd give it to you gladly
So you could break it
And cut it as deep as
You do to mine

If I had a heart to spare
I'd let you throw it away
So you could step on it
And smash it as badly as
You did to mine

If I had a heart to spare
I'd put it in your hands
So you could play with it
And fool it as coldly as
You did to mine

But I have only one heart
One heart of my own
And I can't give it to you
I can't let you do with it
Whatever you feel like

I have only one heart
One single lonely heart
And for the first time
I'm going to keep it
Right here with myself

It's January already...

And the day I long waited for never came...
I better just go outside and as my friends say face the reality anyway.
I couldn't help myself but wonder how funny and how unpredictable things are.
I can't help thinking that on this very same day last year I knew exactly what I wanted for my life and I was overwhelmed with this feeling of excitement, this feeling of something new...

... It was the beginning of the year.

Now, the thing I've always struggled against in my life, happens again and here I am once more.
And the feeling of excitement, the feeling of something new has gone. The only feeling that remains is the same old feeling, that same fear of my past years. That fear I wanted to forget... but now he's back again to make me company... my only company... and I'm afraid.
I face the uncertainty of this life, I'm not scared of walking in the dark, but alone...

... It is the beginning of the year.

Cycle

I don't want to leave this bed
I don't want to touch the floor
And realise I'm still around
I don't want to go outside
And see life passing by
I don't want to live this again
I don't want to turn on the lights
And see this face in the mirror
Growing old and grey with sorrow
I don't want to count the hours
Of unrelenting sleepless nights
I don't want to stare at the walls
I don't want to look for you in the room
I don't want to have memories of this
I don't want to repeat everything
And end up doing it all over again

The sonnet of wish

Yesterday I thought that if I had a wish
Only one wish I could fulfill
Then maybe I would wish to have you here with me
And instead of just having you holding me tight
I would have you here deep inside my heart
I wouldn't just wish to feel your touch
But I'd love to touch your soul
I really wanted to have you having me in your thoughts
And sending me messages in the middle of the day
Telling me you were thinking of me
Inviting me for a walk in your plans for the future
And wishing me to stay in your life forever.

How great it could be if you really knew
the person here standing right in front of you...

New Year's Day

But everything feels the same

The same sad eyes

Same fake smile...

The same grey day outside

And you making me cry one more time.

It should be a brand new day

But why do I feel like I am living it all again?

The same disappointment and the same pain here inside...

I have a whole year ahead to walk alone this time.

Guess you could make a change...

Guess it could never be any different anyway.