A heart to spare

If I had a heart to spare
I'd give it to you gladly
So you could break it
And cut it as deep as
You do to mine

If I had a heart to spare
I'd let you throw it away
So you could step on it
And smash it as badly as
You did to mine

If I had a heart to spare
I'd put it in your hands
So you could play with it
And fool it as coldly as
You did to mine

But I have only one heart
One heart of my own
And I can't give it to you
I can't let you do with it
Whatever you feel like

I have only one heart
One single lonely heart
And for the first time
I'm going to keep it
Right here with myself

It's January already...

And the day I long waited for never came...
I better just go outside and as my friends say face the reality anyway.
I couldn't help myself but wonder how funny and how unpredictable things are.
I can't help thinking that on this very same day last year I knew exactly what I wanted for my life and I was overwhelmed with this feeling of excitement, this feeling of something new...

... It was the beginning of the year.

Now, the thing I've always struggled against in my life, happens again and here I am once more.
And the feeling of excitement, the feeling of something new has gone. The only feeling that remains is the same old feeling, that same fear of my past years. That fear I wanted to forget... but now he's back again to make me company... my only company... and I'm afraid.
I face the uncertainty of this life, I'm not scared of walking in the dark, but alone...

... It is the beginning of the year.

Cycle

I don't want to leave this bed
I don't want to touch the floor
And realise I'm still around
I don't want to go outside
And see life passing by
I don't want to live this again
I don't want to turn on the lights
And see this face in the mirror
Growing old and grey with sorrow
I don't want to count the hours
Of unrelenting sleepless nights
I don't want to stare at the walls
I don't want to look for you in the room
I don't want to have memories of this
I don't want to repeat everything
And end up doing it all over again

The sonnet of wish

Yesterday I thought that if I had a wish
Only one wish I could fulfill
Then maybe I would wish to have you here with me
And instead of just having you holding me tight
I would have you here deep inside my heart
I wouldn't just wish to feel your touch
But I'd love to touch your soul
I really wanted to have you having me in your thoughts
And sending me messages in the middle of the day
Telling me you were thinking of me
Inviting me for a walk in your plans for the future
And wishing me to stay in your life forever.

How great it could be if you really knew
the person here standing right in front of you...

New Year's Day

But everything feels the same

The same sad eyes

Same fake smile...

The same grey day outside

And you making me cry one more time.

It should be a brand new day

But why do I feel like I am living it all again?

The same disappointment and the same pain here inside...

I have a whole year ahead to walk alone this time.

Guess you could make a change...

Guess it could never be any different anyway.