Delirium

What does the mind's eye see?
Images of dreams and delusions?
Dreams weaving reality?
What does the poet see?
Empty hallucinations lost inside?
A shape twisting and creating itself
In many different colours and shades?
Take this oniric veil out of my mind
Allow me to perceive what you see
Muse, don't ban my sight
God, I need to awake!

A thought

There are wide and lonely places in my mind where my thoughts run free, lost and forgotten.

Recurring thoughts

2 p.m. I awake, my head is spinning, nobody's home...
Trying hard to gather my thoughts I look at the nightstand clock, it's late!
I stand up quickly, almost losing my balance I reach the doorknob and hold still, it feels like I've been drinking all night or maybe I just slept too much.
Going to the toilet, I wash my face with cold water to wake up... maybe who knows, get rid of this headache, but it's no use... I look at myself in the mirror... pale, dead-like pale. Not the best look for a Sunday, whatever...
I push myself down the hall and go back to bed and just let my body fall over it, almost inert. I roll my eyes back to the nightstand... James Joyce and his Dubliners is there waiting for me to finish, I think about taking the book, but my hands don't move...
No sound in the room... birds singing and dogs barking outside, sometimes a very distant cry or cars passing by... but here there's no sound.
What's wrong? What's going on? Time runs fast, I close my eyes trying to remember a dream, my head hurts so much... I need to remember it...
I sit on my bed with my head between my hands, my eyes closed... that's not just another day... or it was not supposed to be one!
What's going on? What's going on today?
I never forget, I never forget the same things and they always happen, I can't help thinking about them! What's wrong? I whisper to myself...
Between here and there lies the same distance, but it's a long one, it's endless, almost infinite... what's wrong? Is it beyond my reach?
The same thoughts, the same questions... Major headache, I go back to sleep.
I still need to remember that dream!

Two Days

I've mourned for you for two days
I've suffered because of you
I've lost sense of direction again
I've been without a meaning for life

It took two days to wipe out the tears
To mend the pieces of my broken heart
To forget the pictures of my mind
To breathe new life into my soul

You took me two days to recover
You took my life in your hands
And just threw it easily away
Two long days to be myself again

Two days to forget about two years
Two days to forget about five minutes
Two days to forget about one moment
That ripped out my heart and torn it apart

Just two endless days to move on
Forty-eight hours of sorrow and pain
Two ruthless days marked in my chest
Two days to forget you for a lifetime

It only took me two days...

Emptiness

So that's love they say
The astounding feelings
Aching desires and lust
A maelstrom of passion
But when love is gone
When love never ever comes
All that is left behind
Is a hollow soul
An empty man's body
The shell of sorrow
A pool of lies and regret
All that rests is emptiness

Mindflux (an experiment)

I’m never gonna make it, it’s way past 3 already and I’m late again... I’m always so damn late, I guess my father is right. I hate him, always right, always criticizing, always knows everything... as if he knew exactly the way I feel, he never knows, he barely cares about me, I’m sure he didn’t want to have another kid, he’s always talking about my brother and sisters, but me, he hates me... I hate him... I hate old people and buses... what a bloody combination! Damn, just look at that old fart trying to get off the bus, I’m late, for Christ sake! Get out of the fucking bus, old lady! I wish I could just kick her out! There you go, three more minutes late, I hate old people, they should just stay home...
I’m never going to get old, I’m sure... I’ll probably die of some disease or car accident, maybe an air crash, yeah, this one's better...
I need you to need me too, well switch the music I’m tired of this one... "I need you to need me" that’s so not real, as if I’d ever find someone who would need me as much as I need them, it’s all bullshit this love stuff... Why do we love anyway?
I guess my friend is right... it’s just a reproduction technique, people need to mate... well, I agree with that... I think I know this one... yeah, the same girl I saw yesterday when I was late for my... damn, always late... I hate that!
Time, time is a diabolic thing... why do we have to follow schedules and timetables? Just to have good definitions about what is late and what is early... lazy and hardworking people...
Yeah, I know this girl... she was in my class... she’s quite good looking from this point of view... but I don’t know her name… I need to find out her name... then maybe next time I could start a conversation, who knows... oh, just forget about it... you’ll never do that! I’m so stupid sometimes...
No, not this song... I’m tired of this too... I need to delete this one... ok, that’s a good one...
Time to go... I’m late!

Forever alone...

I am alone again, alone as I have always been in my whole life.
Love has forsaken me, I have been doomed by my destiny one more time...
Only this time I believed, only this time I prayed for somebody to love and love me too. But the song has ended, the image is gone... I feel like I’ve been torn apart in a thousand pieces, all scattered on the floor, I feel empty, incomplete.
Without you I’m half the man I wanted to be.
Without you I wander lost in a world of confusion and pain.
Forever alone...

(5/5)

Daydreaming

In the darkness of my room, I hear that sweet voice again calling my name.
I see the shadows dance around me, taking the shape of a body, I see bright green eyes staring right into my soul, lips smiling full of joy, soft hands touching my skin.
That presence, that perfect human being taking over my body and soul...
I try to wake up, but my eyes are not closed! I am lost in a daydream’s illusion...
There is somebody there, I see you there holding my hand... But I am alone...
I look at the dark figure swaying around me, my head is spinning I feel so confused. I keep looking at it "You gave me love, you gave me more than I could ever wish for! I love you, image of my dreams! Stay tonight, don’t leave me here in this lonely room all by myself."
I close my eyes, I start crying... My hands are so cold... I feel so cold inside...
There’s nobody here... the room is empty, there is no sound... there is... nothing.

(4/5)

And so...

And so I understood I was not meant for love.
It was a feeling I could not share with someone, but only suffer from it.
I resigned myself to this fate, locked myself away in my room and stayed there, silently thinking... lost in my own solitude.

(3/5)

Once...

Then once in my life I heard a song and it was the sweet voice of love filling my ears with joy.
My heart started pounding hard and fast, I was in love for the first time.
I wish that feeling would be complete, I wish it could make all my dreams come true... I realise then, I was the only one listening to that song and it faded away, killing me slowly inside...

I had a heart that longed for love, I lonely heart buried in a soulless man’s chest.

(2/5)

About me

It's time to introduce myself...

A curse was placed upon me since the day I was born. A small snow-white angel whispered in my ear "You shall live and grow old on this world, you shall love everyone, but you shall never be loved."
My mother couldn't understand why I cried for one month...
And that is how I grew up and nobody could ever understand my crying soul...
I was born to walk in the shadows, I was meant to walk alone...

(1/5)

Blank

empty day in my mind
emptiness in my heart

Tearing and breaking down

You didn't leave me a message, you didn't say hi...
You read all my letters and didn't reply...
I was waiting for your answers, I needed to know if you loved my smile
No answers, no message, no nothing... you don't care
I'm tearing now...
I'm breaking down...

Love hurts me again...

A beggar

Cold Monday morning, I was walking on the street buried in my own thoughts...
I was waiting to cross a busy avenue when I saw a beggar on the corner all rolled up in an old and dusty blanket, trying to hide away from the freezing wind... I looked at him and he had a strange look in his eyes, it was oddly pleasant and peaceful.
I stared at the old man as I could not figure out why he seemed so serene, so calm...
He has such a difficult life, he doesn't have anything: no shelter, no food, no clothes, maybe not even friends... I needed to know, I really needed to know why he seemed to be so glad!
I was already late, thinking about the loads of things I have to do and the lack of time I have to do all of them when he saw me and smiled at me...
I crossed the avenue and I realise...

We always want to know too much

The photo...

She showed me a photo today... she was so happy, I could see the brightness in her eyes, the same way I could see years ago when I told her how much I loved her.
She showed me a photo with her boyfriend... they are celebrating one year, she wants to make a special surprise... she asked me for advice...
I don't know why she showed me that photo today... just today...
She's happy, she's happy in the picture...

I'm miserable inside...

The Poet