Inertia

A permanent state
Slowly falling into numbness
A limb that doesn't move
White hands don't touch
Static stoned wide-open eyes
Blank lips aren't kissing fools

Afraid of not going out of here
Trapped in a motionless feeling
Dragged by empty emotions
In cold marble arms of nothingness

A fear of being seduced by this
Smoothly letting everything go
Surrended by a caring warmth
Of not knowing, not having,
not worrying, not there...

Giving in to becoming noboby
Taken away by this crowd
Being just a face in the rabble

Stop the body, stop the pulse
Stop this mind, stop this heart
Make this part of your life
Say goodbye now and take care

Oblivion

Images fade away like
pictures carved on the sand
It was a day in autumn
You and I holding hands
That was a sweet moment
We were having dinner by candlelights
Oh, the day I made you that surprise...
I just see them going away
held by a thin thread of repentance
The only thing that puts my memories together

They are not important anymore
Lost, few, insignificant remembrances
I watch them shatter in tiny pieces
taken by the wind of time
Like dead leaves from a tree
Lost, bitter, forgotten fragments of a dream

Everything is fading away
Names I forget, faces I don't recognise
People I don't see, dates I don't mind
Memories that are not mine
I thought I would never part from them

You're gone
I shall become myself again

The day after you

I wake up
It's 4pm and I'm still looking for answers in my mobile
Nobody is calling me and I should be ok
I'm not...

I thought last night was special and you'd stay
I thought I had finally found someone
Who said I was looking for someone anyway?

I look in the mirror and lie to myself
I'm not as old as I think I am
But not as young as I wished to be
Time is passing by and I'm growing tired of meeting strangers in the night

I take another glass of wine
As thoughts run through my mind
Some music is playing in the back
"Falling hard for you"
I don't want to meet anyone

I turn off my mobile
I switch off the lights
I'm gonna sleep for the rest of the day
And see what happens then...
Maybe you call
I'm gonna sleep for a while
"Heaven help me now"

In the room

"You know?"
"What?"
"I think this is it..."
"Yeah?"
"Pretty much."
"Is it good? How are you feeling?"
"Better than I thought I would."
"It's curious, right?"
"It' sad..."
"Sad?"
"It's sad to realise everything is gone... all the feelings I built up in my heart are just fading away..."
"Hmm... This should be good, I think. It means you're getting over..."
"And what for?"
"What do you mean?"
"Now I feel fine... good! But what's the point? What's the purpose in finding out you never meant that much for me?"
"Well..."
"I just came here to tell you this... everything that we had together, you simply ruined with your lies, with your stupid games... And we had the best, you had my best... why did you take it all for granted?"
"I didn't want to lose you..."
"And I'm growing more and more tired of all this... I think we're better off alone afterall..."
"Are you sure?"
"No, but I'm sure you don't deserve me anymore..."
"If I go out through that door, you'll never see me again..."
"We both know this is not true...
I just hope that when I see you again, my heart won't bleed like this."

Abstinence Syndrome

It's 6 pm
But it could be 1 pm or 6 am
I wouldn't tell the difference
The lights are off, sheets are cold
Can't get to open my eyes
I just hear this noise
A conspicuous noise banging inside my head
Flashes crashing down behind my eyes
Following the hysterical bangs in my mind
Screams trying to survive, struggling to come alive
I turn my head around, it's so bright inside
They are voices, voices that I know
Memories that are recent
Memories of Sundays and happy days
Memories I cherish in my heart
Now haunting my sleep
They wanna tear my body up
And come out to fill this room
Will they ever go away?
Please, make them go away...
I need to forget
I need to let them go.

Grief

I entered the empty house and saw all the boxes on the floor... Who could imagine that a whole life together would now fit in carton boxes separated by names - mine and yours. Everything that have always belonged to both us is now divided, sorted and put away inside those boxes on the floor. Pictures, portraits, books go with me... clothes, CDs, albums go with you...
But memories stay here in this empty house, inside this empty soul, lost in the corners of my mind, carried by a little hope that things will get better one day - at least that's what my friends say.
You're not here anymore and although I see you everywhere, I know those things are just images from my head, but I wish they were real...
I wish our love was real... you say you can't promise me anything, you want me close to you as your friend. I can't be your friend, becoming your friend means denying so many wonderful things we spent together. It means rejecting the kisses, the hug, the love, the tender moments, the quarrels, the jealousy... no, we can't be friends... not now at least.
I take my boxes, you're coming tomorrow for yours. I look back and I miss the life we were building together - what went wrong?
Too late for answers, maybe too late to make things right... I close the door.
I walk down our street as tears wash my face... get in the car and drive away from there.
It's gonna take a long while to be me again...

A heart to spare

If I had a heart to spare
I'd give it to you gladly
So you could break it
And cut it as deep as
You do to mine

If I had a heart to spare
I'd let you throw it away
So you could step on it
And smash it as badly as
You did to mine

If I had a heart to spare
I'd put it in your hands
So you could play with it
And fool it as coldly as
You did to mine

But I have only one heart
One heart of my own
And I can't give it to you
I can't let you do with it
Whatever you feel like

I have only one heart
One single lonely heart
And for the first time
I'm going to keep it
Right here with myself

It's January already...

And the day I long waited for never came...
I better just go outside and as my friends say face the reality anyway.
I couldn't help myself but wonder how funny and how unpredictable things are.
I can't help thinking that on this very same day last year I knew exactly what I wanted for my life and I was overwhelmed with this feeling of excitement, this feeling of something new...

... It was the beginning of the year.

Now, the thing I've always struggled against in my life, happens again and here I am once more.
And the feeling of excitement, the feeling of something new has gone. The only feeling that remains is the same old feeling, that same fear of my past years. That fear I wanted to forget... but now he's back again to make me company... my only company... and I'm afraid.
I face the uncertainty of this life, I'm not scared of walking in the dark, but alone...

... It is the beginning of the year.

Cycle

I don't want to leave this bed
I don't want to touch the floor
And realise I'm still around
I don't want to go outside
And see life passing by
I don't want to live this again
I don't want to turn on the lights
And see this face in the mirror
Growing old and grey with sorrow
I don't want to count the hours
Of unrelenting sleepless nights
I don't want to stare at the walls
I don't want to look for you in the room
I don't want to have memories of this
I don't want to repeat everything
And end up doing it all over again

The sonnet of wish

Yesterday I thought that if I had a wish
Only one wish I could fulfill
Then maybe I would wish to have you here with me
And instead of just having you holding me tight
I would have you here deep inside my heart
I wouldn't just wish to feel your touch
But I'd love to touch your soul
I really wanted to have you having me in your thoughts
And sending me messages in the middle of the day
Telling me you were thinking of me
Inviting me for a walk in your plans for the future
And wishing me to stay in your life forever.

How great it could be if you really knew
the person here standing right in front of you...

New Year's Day

But everything feels the same

The same sad eyes

Same fake smile...

The same grey day outside

And you making me cry one more time.

It should be a brand new day

But why do I feel like I am living it all again?

The same disappointment and the same pain here inside...

I have a whole year ahead to walk alone this time.

Guess you could make a change...

Guess it could never be any different anyway.

For lack of inspiration...

For lack of inspiration
I thought about giving up
For lack of determination
I thought about not writing
For lack of encouragement
I thought about deleting
For lack of everything
I thought about dying

But

For lack of audience
I thought what the heck anyway...

I see you

I see you
In the empty spaces of my mind
In my heart’s burning desire
I see you
In a bright sunrise
In the rainy lonely days
I see you
In my soul’s luminous reflection
In the sweet pulse of unstoppable life
I see you
In the words I write on the paper
In a thought flying so distant
I see you in my eyes
I see you in my body
I see you wherever I go
I only see you

Christmas Prayer

Every night when I go to sleep
I lie down on my bed
And I listen to your song
Letting your sweet voice
Fill the empty spaces of my heart

As tears roll down my face
I try to convince myself I don’t miss you
I try to forget the look in your eyes
I want to erase the warmth of your skin
But I just can’t forget all that

It is already December
But the days are still cold and grey
At this moment, I just wish
I could have you again in my arms
I wish you would change your mind

If only you could see
You are everything I need
And I could be everything for you
We could build a life together
And live happily ever after

But the night is still here
And you don’t come my way
I cry myself to sleep
Listening to your song and
Dreaming of maybe one day, one day…

Tell Me

When the moments are so tender
And your voice is everything I hear
When our bodies are entwined
And your breath is the air I need
How can I tell my heart to let it go?

When your touch is so special
And your eyes blow me away
When your kiss is my addiction
And your arms are my protection
How can I tell my heart to forget you?

Tell me how not to like you more
Tell me how I cannot miss you
How can I not want you in my arms?
Tell me, what should I tell my heart?
Just tell me this...

Why?

Why do we have to say goodbye?
Why do you have to walk away?
And leave me here by myself
Begging so much for you to stay

Why do I have to carry
This pain in my heart?
Why does my love story
Never have a happy end?

Why do you have to move on?
So quickly, so easy and
Why does my lonely soul
Still crave for your light?

Why do I keep asking
All these questions?
Knowing you don't care
You don't want me anymore

Why does it always
Have to be this way?
Locked again on my own
Hurt again in my heart

Reasons

Sometimes it's hard to explain
Why I like you so much
If I stop to think about it
I try, but I can't find
One single reason whatsoever

But to like you
I don't even need to think
And it's not in mind or logic
I'll find all the reasons
Why I like you so much

Only when I listen fearlessly
To a soft and silent voice
Telling me I am all yours
It's when I finally realise
The reason comes from the heart

And if I don't quit the fight
And write these twisted verses
Only to let you know
Everything that I feel inside
It's because I really love you so much

(Now it seems to be so late, a bit too late perhaps...)

Without You

I am living the hours
But they don't pass by
I miss you so much
But you don't call me

I search in the room
The bedroom and on the TV
I wish so much to see you
But where are you?

Wandering alone
Thinking of you
I look for your face
In the faces of others

I search for you
I want to find you
I can no longer stay
One second without you

One More Chance

Long grey days without you
Many lonely nights in the cold
I spend my time just waiting
For the moment I'll see you again
Touch your so gentle hands
And feel you in my arms again
Making all my dreams come true
God, I wish so intensely that
These moments would last forever
Forever in your heart and soul
Oh, tell me you want this too
You wish to be with me at once
Here I am begging of you
To give me one more chance
To show you my heart is true

Don’t

I don’t want to be your past
I don’t want to be just a memory
Of so many days bygones
I don’t want to be a message
Forgotten on a piece of paper

I don’t want to be someone
You just met on the corner
I don’t want you to forget me
I want to be real in your life
To be part of your destiny

Don’t let this pass by
Don’t let these moments go
Don’t let my feelings fade away
Don’t let my heart beat alone
Don’t make me cry another night